Far from being selfless gestures, giving gifts creates a
personal debt
It would be nice to believe that gifts are genuine
tokens of affection, given without any expectation of
recompense. (Indeed, Merriam-Webster dictionary defines
“gift” as something “voluntarily transferred” and “without
compensation.”) But if you’ve ever had the niggling sense
that something other than selflessness drives the presents
you dutifully exchange with friends and family, then
sociology has your back.
Dimitri Mortelmans, sociology professor at
Antwerp University in Belgium, explains that there is far
more to gifting than meets the eye. “Gift-giving is one of
the ancient early topics in sociology,” he says. “There’s a
whole world behind gift-giving that goes very close to the
basics of living together.” Gift giving, after all, is a physical
symbol of a personal relationship and an expression of
social ties that bring individuals together.
Far from being voluntary, the 20th century French
sociologist Marcel Mauss argues that presents are tied up
with strict obligations. “To refuse to give, to fail to invite,
just as to refuse to accept, is tantamount to declaring war;
it is to reject the bond of ___________ and ___________,”
he wrote in his 1925 essay “The Gift.” A present is a token
of a relationship and a wish to continue that relationship
and so, in rejecting a gift, the offer of extended friendship
is also rebuffed.
This gift exchange can be summarized by the
Latin phrase: Do Ut des: “I give because I expect you to
give something back.”
We see such attitudes among families and friends,
where each person gives out presents worth roughly the
same price. This behavior is particularly obvious in the
more pressured stakes of a new romantic relationship,
where buying an overly lavish present (or a particularly
stingy one) could send the wrong signal and cause upset.
A gift doesn’t necessarily have to be exchanged
for another gift. “You don’t need to repay the things given
to you in a material way. You can also be nice or perform
some other kind of behavior,” says Mortelmans. So for
example, someone who can’t afford to buy a gift in return
might be especially affectionate or helpful.
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